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Thread: You Knew All Along

  1. #1 You Knew All Along 
    VIP Member OverThere's Avatar Black-private
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    You Knew All Along

    Once again the Sun says Winter's through,
    Spring'll be here in a day or two.

    Things begin to have rhyme and reason,
    Eternity seeded, implied in this “_______”

    The view from floor five is terribly nice,
    panoramic sprawl

    from
    so high

    to this hospital.

    Bedsheets clean, linen crisp,
    hustle-bustle nurses come
    and go. Don’t we all.

    It’s good to see what’s left of her
    smile, heaven knows

    nothing. But this, well,
    you knew it all along:

    All we have is this moment

    moments in a line . . .

    lemmings in time
    waiting to dive.



    COMMENTS WELCOME!
    To know the why
    Forget the why.
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  3. #2  
    Bolt Elite seneca's Avatar Black-private
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    A terrible moment captured here, OT -- the terrible moment. And you've pretty much said all that can be said about that moment in your poem.

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  4. #3  
    VIP Member OverThere's Avatar Black-private
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    Ah crap, I can't get the last bit to show it's the moments like lemmings, not us.
    Not without making it sappy and soft.

    Maybe -

    lemmings in time
    waiting to dive.

    Yeah, that's it for now.
    Not the best but there's none better yet.

    And thanks for reading the thing!

    Another little end edit . . .

    All we have is this moment,
    moments in a line . . .

    lemmings in time
    waiting to dive.

    Ah! More like this --

    All we have is this moment

    moments in a line . . .

    lemmings in time
    waiting to dive.
    To know the why
    Forget the why.
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  6. #4  
    VIP Member OverThere's Avatar Black-private
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    I changed some small things. Again. You can easily (not really 'easily') spend quite a few weeks (and much, much more) tweaking things
    here and there . . . a single word, or a line break, can make a huge difference. And of course,
    some things take weeks to realize they should just be binned already Click here to enlarge
    To know the why
    Forget the why.
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  8. #5  
    Bolt Elite seneca's Avatar Black-private
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    Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by OverThere Click here to enlarge
    I changed some small things. Again. You can easily (not really 'easily') spend quite a few weeks (and much, much more) tweaking things
    here and there . . . a single word, or a line break, can make a huge difference. And of course,
    some things take weeks to realize they should just be binned already Click here to enlarge
    Ain't that the truth!

    Click here to enlarge

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