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Thread: Don't offer material thanks in kind unless you mean it

  1. #1 Don't offer material thanks in kind unless you mean it 
    Elder Helvetica's Avatar Switzerland
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    Last year I was sorting out some of my heavy metal CDs, many of them rare promos, and decided to ask here on Bolt whether anyone wanted them as freebies. Six months or so past, then I received a message from a member saying he'd only just seen the posting. In the subsequent emails he told me he was a grandfather and loved that music and he would love to have them. So I packed them up, adding a numbered Limited Edition Motorhead EP-CD and some other rarities, including some signed stuff and paid the 16 postage to send them to England.
    A week later I got a lovely email, very effusive, saying it was the best and kindest thing anyone had ever done for him. He insisted on repaying me the postage, but I said, no, if he really and truly insisted on sending me something, he should just get ONE packet of choccy bikkies such as Tunnocks, Kit-Kat (English, not German, Dutch or French which tastes weird to me) or Blue Riband, and send me those. He promised he would and I started watching out for the postman. After two weeks, he wrote that his granddaughter had been playing with the box that the CDs were sent in, and he couldn't read the address. So I sent him my address and reminded him not to spend a lot of money, just 2-3 Kit-Kats would be nice.
    Well, that was 7 months ago and still no choccy bikkies have arrived. Just in case it got damaged in the post and couldn't be delivered, I asked him back in Feb. whether he had managed to get round to sending anything, but didn't receive a reply.
    So the point of all this is, if you offer to send someone something for anything they have given or sent you, you really should do it. Him on the Sofa and I used to work closely with Yamaha Racing and during our many chats with them we learned from the Japanese that a promise is sacred. If you use the words "I promise I will...." whatever, and don't keep your promise, your worth drops to zero (no, it didn't happen to us).
    Sadly, "I promise.." are words that are bandied about these days without any thought of what they truly mean.
    I don't regret sending him all those raries, he can sell 'em on ebay and make some money, I don't mind, but it would have been nice for him to have kept his promise.Click here to enlarge
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    Valued Member prime user's Avatar United-States
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    Sorry to hear about your disappointment. There are too many people like that in this world, and very few as generous as you appear to be.
    I hope you don't let this bad experience change you from the person you are.
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    Elder Helvetica's Avatar Switzerland
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    No, I'll continue to give stuff away. One box of heavy metal CDs and T-Shirts just went off to a girl, a heavy metal fan who runs a part-time charity shop for an animal charity.
    Maybe that member will read the thread and get a prick of conscience though Click here to enlarge
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    Elder kidhugs's Avatar UK
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    interesting and disquieting tale... but, in all fairness, we don't KNOW what may have transpired i this person's life what has caused such apparently rude behaviour... many of us have had our lives blow up in our faces when least expected and sometimes the life never really settles back down.
    With all due respect to the Japanese, that's an admirable trait but LIFE dictates often whether or not we can always keep our promises - not morality.
    I don't have a dog in this hunt, but I HAVE been in situations in my tender years where circumstances forced me to change direction suddenly and against my intent and/or choice... and this member in question, seemingly/possibly quite elderly (hence the granddaughter) may have befallen to a wide variety of circumstances which would explain his seemingly unfriendly actions - or inactions.

    I prefer to think that his intentions were good, but reality interfered with the commission of those intentions.
    Either way, it was a good gesture on your part.. and there's always this option..

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    Member Necroeire's Avatar Black-private
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    Sad to hear, I usually give a lot of the stuff I buy after I've finished with them, such as cheap drones, models etc...I never expect something back but if someone promised to give something back I would expect that they would follow through. You never know there may be a very good reason they never followed through, but in fairness you didn't ask for much. Shame....
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    I can't PM as I don't have enough posts but if you want to PM me a postal address I'll send you some UK bikkies out.
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  12. #7  
    Elder Helvetica's Avatar Switzerland
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    Ah, the thing with the Japanese importance of the word "promise" is - if you are not 100% positive that you are able to do a thing, then you simply don't use the word "promise". There are alternatives: "I will do my best / try my hardest.. " etc.
    I use the word "promise" very sparingly and even then only when I know that I can keep my promise.

    @neilb - that is so sweet of you but our daughter and her husband and littl'un are currently up north in Lancs. and on the short shopping list I gave her are "Kit-Kats, English, some custard tarts, some Lurpack and Kerrygold in tubs..." and some other stuff which they may be able to find room for in their car.
    But I might get back to you when my (hopefully soon to be received) stash runs out Click here to enlarge And I PROMISE I will pay for them !!!
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    Helvetica..I like your attitude..Enough said from me..
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    Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by Helvetica Click here to enlarge
    @neilb - that is so sweet of you but our daughter and her husband and littl'un are currently up north in Lancs. and on the short shopping list I gave her are "Kit-Kats, English, some custard tarts, some Lurpack and Kerrygold in tubs..." and some other stuff which they may be able to find room for in their car.
    But I might get back to you when my (hopefully soon to be received) stash runs out Click here to enlarge And I PROMISE I will pay for them !!!
    No problem, give me a shout when you are out again and I'll go on a biscuit hunt.
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    Elder kidhugs's Avatar UK
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    did you try the Jim's market link I gave you above?

    or this one

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    In light of my recent battles with Rapidgator, I have decided to no longer keep my posts "current" If you want something, grab it while it's there.. and if the link is already down, send me a message and I'll service the post with a new link. Thanks - and sorry.
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    VIP Member 4thDoctor's Avatar Great-Britain
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    Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by Helvetica Click here to enlarge
    Last year I was sorting out some of my heavy metal CDs, many of them rare promos, and decided to ask here on Bolt whether anyone wanted them as freebies. Six months or so past, then I received a message from a member saying he'd only just seen the posting. In the subsequent emails he told me he was a grandfather and loved that music and he would love to have them. So I packed them up, adding a numbered Limited Edition Motorhead EP-CD and some other rarities, including some signed stuff and paid the 16 postage to send them to England.
    A week later I got a lovely email, very effusive, saying it was the best and kindest thing anyone had ever done for him. He insisted on repaying me the postage, but I said, no, if he really and truly insisted on sending me something, he should just get ONE packet of choccy bikkies such as Tunnocks, Kit-Kat (English, not German, Dutch or French which tastes weird to me) or Blue Riband, and send me those. He promised he would and I started watching out for the postman. After two weeks, he wrote that his granddaughter had been playing with the box that the CDs were sent in, and he couldn't read the address. So I sent him my address and reminded him not to spend a lot of money, just 2-3 Kit-Kats would be nice.
    Well, that was 7 months ago and still no choccy bikkies have arrived. Just in case it got damaged in the post and couldn't be delivered, I asked him back in Feb. whether he had managed to get round to sending anything, but didn't receive a reply.
    So the point of all this is, if you offer to send someone something for anything they have given or sent you, you really should do it. Him on the Sofa and I used to work closely with Yamaha Racing and during our many chats with them we learned from the Japanese that a promise is sacred. If you use the words "I promise I will...." whatever, and don't keep your promise, your worth drops to zero (no, it didn't happen to us).
    Sadly, "I promise.." are words that are bandied about these days without any thought of what they truly mean.
    I don't regret sending him all those raries, he can sell 'em on ebay and make some money, I don't mind, but it would have been nice for him to have kept his promise.Click here to enlarge





    I would say you were very generous indeed Helvetica - I actually recall your generous offer from last
    year, but even though I am a serious Metal fan, I didn't see any of the bands you had listed, as being
    any bands I was familiar with, or I may very well have taken advantage of the offer myself. Though I
    did at the time think your offer to be very kind.

    Click here to enlarge

    As for why the person involved may have disappeared...that's a tough one to figure out, as it could be
    anything. Life has a way of happening, and when it does, it can sometimes really disrupt our patterns -
    how, and where we spend our time, and sometimes online friends just disappear without a trace. And
    we're left wondering why, what happened to them, and why they haven't answered any PM's, or even
    emails?

    It's happened to me here at Bolt, where I was very good friends with a member who then suddenly
    left Bolt, but continued to stay in contact with me via email, but then strangely stopped answering
    all emails @ their personal email address. I don't take it too personally though, as an online friend,
    is just that - an online friend. People sometimes have serious problems, and are forced to walk away
    without a word, and sometimes people don't have any problems at all, but just disappear.

    The only thing about the persons disappearance that bothers me, is - Are they OK? Did something
    really bad happen to them? Sadly, I will never know, and that will always bother me. Because online
    friend, or friend here in the 'real world' - it's still someone you call a friend, and you wish them well,
    and hope they shall be. In the case of the missing Bolt member - I'll never know, and it will always
    make me wonder what happened to them, but chances are they just bored with chatting, and moved
    on...


    Though in your case, I know you're not discussing friendship, as much as a person's promise that never
    materialized. Well, it's the same thing (possibly) in that the person involved may have had some personal
    issues that forced them to disappear, or maybe they simply had no problems, but just wanted to
    disappear anyway, because it's online...? I think a lot of people online are that way - they think because
    it's online, it doesn't count for as much, or matter as much as dealing with people in the 'real world'.

    Maybe they figured their show of appreciation, and respect for what you did for them, wasn't worth their
    time after all - which to me personally is crazy. You most certainly did deserve it, if they said they would,
    but that's the internet for you, and that's online internet friendships for you...you never know who you're
    dealing with, and what kind of person they really are?

    I don't blame you for feeling the way you do, and would likely feel the same myself. In future if I were
    you, I would perhaps save your CD's for trades instead, or perhaps agree to donate the CD's online to
    someone, but meet them online first, and then agree to meet in person - locally. That way you can look
    them in the eye, and get the appreciation you deserve, and not any false promises that would spoil the
    moment, and the act of giving.

    I used to do a lot of trading myself - through snail mail, of bootlegs, and would give, and receive many
    great items, but sometimes the traders would just disappear, and leave me wondering why? It happens
    though, the wonderful, unpredictable world of the internet.



    All the Best, DOC Click here to enlarge
    "I'm a Time Lord...I walk in eternity."

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    Advanced Member ripleypiper's Avatar Black-private
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    I get this. I have given ppl rare stuff and then- they reneg on the oh I will help you thing. And I needed the help- still do. Refused all calls, emails, etc. Then he starts bashing me on FB. Showed me that (at least for now) no real goods exchanged except for advanced payment. I give advice as much as I can - only for ppl I like and respect, and it's not a lot as I am disabled. My shrink calls me the "Dark Angel" because I got hurt helping ppl I didn't know. And I had to realize while most ppl are good, many are bad, stupid or selfish. So I save my strength for those who need it- Like when Unique Son needed our thoughts, energy and what you may call prayers. If I am asking for something- or offering something, I know better now to get the terms in writing,(always did for work- didn't believe I had to start doing it in my personal life. I actually converted three booking contracts, management contracts into personal contracts- sad eh? And for mental type help- that I give freely out of the person I am- but. Beware. I do have an attitude, and I know how to use it.
    It sucks when you have to resort to thinking this may happen to you, but this is the world we live in. That's why I love it here- and try to do extras here- everyone (most) have been awesome. Requests- filled. Questions- answered. Too bad we can't get the rest of the world to act like 99% of BOLTERS.

    And To the DR. You are truly a Fab, fab person. Wish more were like you!
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    Bolt Elite yesterday's Avatar Uzbekistan
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    it often goes to the point that no good deed goes unpunished.

    do something for the sake of helping someone, don't expect anything in return, and let it go.
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  24. #14  
    Elder Helvetica's Avatar Switzerland
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    @kidhugs: I know Jims British Market, but I've only been there twice since it opened because it's about 100 miles away from where I live. Jim must have thought Xmas had arrived when we went there (myself, daughter, her husband and their littl'un) and I told them, get what you want, it's my treat. We absolutely filled up two trollies and had our arms full of stuff as well. Outside he has books which you can take for free, so the second time we went, between us we donated two boxes of English and US thrillers, sci-fi, cookery and computer books.
    There is also Britshop in Lucerne and another one in Lausanne or Geneva (both online shops), but neither of them sell English or Irish butter. For that we have to drive 70 miles to the German border then to Loerrach to a supermarket which usually has Kerrygold.
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